Muddy boots

Today I hit my wall. 

Ready to go, I was off hiking by 8 after having a nice breakfast across the street. The trail was going to get close to 13,000 feet today, with a couple big ol climbs. Nothing terrible, but snowy, for sure. 

I got a few miles into the mountains and had to cross a big ol stream. Then I continued walking and fell into a couple foot deep mud sinkholes hiding in the wet dirt road I was walking on. Eventually, the snow started up a bit and I was already breaking through the crust and post holing. Finally, I realized I lost the trail which was buried under the snow across the way. None of which are very significant, definitely nothing I haven’t dealt with for days at a time, but today, I lost my marbles. 

With my muddy boots, I sat down and thought about it all. It’s tough being out here so long going through so much. It’s also tough doing it alone. One of the best parts of having Andy on the hikes was we could push each other when one was struggling (honestly, I was usually the one struggling more than him) and at the very least, it was easy to confide in someone who knew exactly what kind of stuff I was going through. Even amongst other hikers, it’s hard to convey the feelings at any one time since everyone’s experience is always different. 

Most the folks I’ve met along the trail have since gotten off to wait a few weeks, gone to do other hikes in other states, or flipped up ahead to dry land to return to the snow later. Only a few were pushing forward through the snow, and with snowshoes and even skis! My stubbornness refused to flip around, or take time off. And I really didn’t want to get snow shoes as it’s heavy weight and slows the pace. But today, it seemed I needed a reminder that whatever I want has nothing to do with what the trail will give. 

I decided I needed a little bit of a break for my mental health, which would in turn give the trail time to melt the snow. The thought had crossed my mind to go north and hike up there as some are, but with my weekend with Lauren approaching, decided it would be too hectic and even more stressful to travel all over. 

So, this will be my last post for a little more than a week. I’m a bit bummed. A bit defeated. But I will persevere and come back strong to finish up this epic journey when the conditions are better. 

I had a local trail angel/shuttler come pick me up near a silver mine on the trail, and Laurie brought me back into town. I had lunch (a steak dinner and whiskey, because f it) and then sat at a coffee shop staring out at the people walking by as the town got busy for Memorial Day weekend. 

A little while later, Laurie and her partner Nancy brought me over to Alamosa, the nearest “city” where I could catch a bus up to Denver. From there, I’ll putz around for a few days and then fly out to NYC next Friday. Don’t really have any plans as of now, but I know the rest and break will help me and push me forward, even if it feels a bit like I’m stalling.